Reading this...

http://tv.yahoo.com/blog/jesse-james-how-i-confessed-affair-to-sandra-bullock--2891

I understood how she felt.
I understnd why she couldn't look at him.
I know how much it hurt her for him not to touch her.
As she cried.
As he was the reason she cried.
I understand that if he had touched her.
She would have shook him off.
She would have glared into his soul.
Her eyes would have terrified him.
I left.
I left and had to go back to try.
We failed.
But i think for the best.
We are better friends.
And she was right, had been more like friends for a year.
I wonder if S.B. cries still.
I wonder if it's about him.
Or the loss of the relationship.
I wonder what I cry over.
Sometimes I cy when it's not about her.
But of who we were at another time.
We weren't those people anymore.
I don't know that I could be her anymore.
Or would want to be.
I want to love who I am.
I want to be me again.
But older.
Smarter.
Different.
I loved what we had.
But that was another life.