54.What effect does music have on you?

It's always enhanced my emotions.
If I've been upset I tend to listen to sad stuff.
If I've been in a great mood there's the upbeat stuff.
I've started listening to more techno lately and being in the moods I've been in (great lol) it's been perfect.
If I'm just relaxing and sitting around I tend to fall back on 90's music.
Most songs can remind me of stuff I've done, fun times I've had.
Remember people I miss like the Deftones always remind me of Patrick.
And probably always will.
Music is the core of a lot of things and the soundtrack of a life can be an amazing thing.
It's just awful when we lose those that bring us amazing music too early.

Love it still.

53.What is the most amazing thing you have ever seen, heard, or experienced?

I'm gonna go with concerts.
Yes concerts in general,
A great band does make the difference in your experience.
If they are great live then it is just the most amazing time.
Three of my favorite bands live would be Green Day, The Cure and Papa Roach,
The Cure just sounds absolutely amazing live.
Being there well Robert Smith brings all of those feelings to you is unreal.
Papa Roach puts on an amazing show,
The energy alone gets you moving and having such a great time,
And Green Day.
Just the best time I've ever had has probably been at Green Day concerts.
They have so much audience interaction it's unreal.
Billie Joes stage presence is so inviting and just loving.
There is just so much that can be said about them live.
It's a fantastic time.

Still tired?

How can I still be tired?
I got home around 530 yesterday was kind of tired so laid down around 7 to watch tv.
Woke up at 730 this morning :/.
I never sleep that much, this weekend was hectic I don't doubt I was exhausted.
Still could probably go back to sleep.
 But I won't.
Interview later today then work and off to B's for tomorrow.
Then work again.
Busy busy days.
Busy is nice.

52.Write a celebrity crush list.

This could be intresting.
In order, I guess.
Some are dead already but thats ok I guess.

Chrisitan Bale.
Tre from Green Day.
Brad Renfro.
Jeremy Piven.
Natalie Portman.
River Phoenix.
Mila Kunis.
Michelle Rodriguez.
Sergei Federov.
Jason Segel.
Kid Rock.
Layne Staley.
Lucas Haas.

I'm sure there are more but this seems like a good list.

So much.

Got so much done this week!
All the bushes are out of my moms front yard.
Great workout, I'm now down 75 lbs!
Have to work tonight for a few hours.
But have the party for R & A's civil union tonight with everyone.
Gonna be an awesome time :).
I'm glad I get to see everyone tonight.
It's been a few days.
Lol.
Planning more time with the boy soon.
Very good times to be had there.
Feels a little weird to like someone else already.
But a really good weird.
And I'm starting to really like him.
After digging out about 10 bushes it looks better all ready.
Can't wait to be completely done!

50.How do rainy days make you feel?

Lazy.
Rainy days should be spent in bed.
Preferably with somone to cuddle.
It's a good time to catch up on reading, movies, anything that keeps you from actually doing anything.
If it's a warm rainy day and you have someone who doesn't mind getting wet, it can be a fun time.
I've always loved rainy days from doing nothing to puddle jumping.
It's all a good time.

49.What are all your thoughts on god?

I think I covered a lot of this with number 7.
But I believe there is something, I don't really have an answer to what.
I think I'm on a search for what I actually really believe anymore.
I go to church for my family on certain days.
I've always wished I could have the faith a lot of my family does but something always happens to sway that.
Or I give up to quickly.
I've started following the Revolution Church more closely and would love to visit new York just to hear Jay speak in person.
He is probably been one of the main people I've really heard when I listen to him preach.
Him and my Uncle Tim.
There has to be more, I'd like to believe more.

48.What is your favorite cliché?

Probably, two wrongs don't make a right.
I don't really have a reason I guess.
I don't really like cliches I think.
Weird question.

On another note.
I have an interview Tuesday.
Very excited about it.
Everything seems to be going great lately.

Yep.

47.Have you ever done something just to feel the danger, or to feel alive?

I don't think I have.
At least not for those reasons.
I do tend to act without fully thinking some things through.
But that makes life more fun.
Over thinking pulls away from, I guess the "danger" of things.
Isn't it more worth it to not think of the outcome sometimes?
To not worry about tomorrow today?

46.What comes to mind when someone uses the phrase prolonging the magic?

Hmm.
I don't think I've actually ever heard anyone use that phrase.
I guess it would depend on what "magic" they were referring to.
I don't really think I have an answer to this.

Instead here's "Marco" on the steps of "Degrassi" :)

45.Do you believe that we are all here for a reason? What might the reason be?

Yes.
If there is no reason, there is no point.
We all learn from everything we do.
If your not learning your not growing.
We have to grow to become who we are supposed to be.
I believe one of the reasons is to be happy.
It's not always an easy feat.
Having friends you love helps.
Having pets helps.
Everything is a reason for us to be here.
Everything we do, learn and the people we meet.

Me.

Update on me?
I'm doing pretty good.
Working.
Not much but enough to keep busy.
Which is a really nice way to transition back into...life I guess.
Been hanging out with all my friends more.
I don't know how more is possible but it is.
Lol.
Making new friends too.
Everyday really does get better.
The day after I had a big issue last week, I felt better than I had in forever.
I still do.

44.Describe your note-taking style and habits.

I start by writing everything the person is saying.
I write sloppy and fast.
Most people can't read it.
Then it filters down to important words.
Then one word a line.
Like,
A.
List.
The pictures come next.
Just random drawings.
Stick people.
Flowers.
Little swirly things.
Sometimes I'll even forget I was listening to someone talk.

Grace.

http://www.revolutionnyc.com/the-vulgarity-of-grace/

43.Have you ever seen a ghost?

Only one.
There is a black cat that walks down the staires at my moms.
She's small and just walks down the staires and turns to walk into my bedroom.
Then disappears.

There was another time but I really am not sure if I was dreaming.
When I had moved in with my mom the first time, I was sleeping on the inside of the bed against the wall.
I wake up in the middle of the night all time, that's why I'm not positive if it's real or not.
But I looked over toward the door and saw a man standing there.
He turned and walked away.
There has never ben a guy living here at the same time as me.
I pulled the blankets over my head and woke up Nikki.
Freaked me out.
Not all to sure it was a dream or not.

42.List your biggest regrets.

There is no list.
I have no regrets.
Living with regrets can't get you anywhere.
Everything you have done makes you who you are.
Even the shit that sucks makes up the you that you are.
If you can't like who you are, what kind of life is that?
There are points when I'm not exactly thrilled with being me but I remember that one day it'll be good again.
Just have to get through rough points.
Grow from those times.
Can't regret them.

41.What was the title of the last book you read?

Arch Enemy by Frank Beddor.
It was the last in the Looking Glass Trilogy.
I'm going to have to reread it later.
I wasn't really in the mood to read but wanted to.
So I forced my way through it.
It was great as the other two but I just wasn't as into as I should've been.

40.What is your favorite season, and why?

Summer.
It's hot.
It's humid.
It's fanastic.
The down side, I'm allergic to Summer for the most part.
Lol.
I still love it.
Summer storms are great.
Cooking on th grill.
The smell of lilacs.
Goin to the beach.
Swimming.
Just pretty much everything.

39.Name one thing you have always been good at doing.

Writing.
I may not be the greatest speller.
Or talk well.
My words get all jumbled.
But I can write.
I can write the hell out of a story.
Once I can actaully get started.
I don't stay in one genre either.
I've have a suspense thriller type I'm working on now.
Along with a love story.

:)

just :).

38.What was the longest amount of time you have spent waiting on line for something? What was it, and was it worth the wait?

Ummm.
I have no idea.
I'm going to go with probebly Jamboree tickets with Shelly & Ryan in high school.
I don't think it technically counts though.
We sat on the curb while Shelly's sister waited in line I think.
We saw a car accident though in the mall parking lot.
Lol.
Yeah not a whole lot of waiting in line has gone on.
Maybe at the plane station?
That never really takes to long though.
I dunno.
I don't think I have a story of this...
Odd for me.
I do love to tell a good story :).

37.Describe your daily routine when you get out of bed in the morning.

I try to prolong actually getting out of my bed as long as I can.
So I'll wake up, check the time and then just lay there about another half hour.
Grab my phone and start texting.
Grab my computer and check emails and sit online for about ten minutes.
Then maybe I'll ger up or find something on tv, depends on how much I have to go to the bathroom.
Either way next I'm up and in the bathroom,
Brush my teeth and stuff.
Then usually clean up my room from before bed the night before.

That's my morning.
Pretty boring.

Just can't.

I just can't do this anymore.
It all hurts all the time.

36.Name a celebrity or famous person you wish would take you out on a date.

Too easy.
Of course it would be a tough choice between Tre from Green Day and Christian Bale,
Such random choices, right?

I want...

Someone who will get up on a boring day just sitting around and dance with me.
Someone to jump in puddles with me on a warm summer day.
Someone to sit under the stars with and find Orion with and tell stories with.
Someone who after I get off the phone with my mom will just hug me becuase they get it.
Someone to hold me while we watch scary movies.
Someone to always tell the truth, even if it may hurt.


I've decided that's not really to much to ask.
Right?

35.Who did you idolize growing up?

I don't really remember.
There wasn't any person I remember looking up to.
This picture more represents what I wanted.
Who I wanted to be.
Couldn't even do that right.

Think nothing of it.

Really?
Really?
That's still how it's going to be?
I do most everything for you.
Drop plans I've had for weeks to help you.
Stopped everything I was doing to help you.
Most weekends since I've moved I've been here.
I mostly go out during the week.
All weekend while she was upstairs you laid around.
Now I've actually made plans (last minute) and you want to tear up the carpet?
Something you've been saying we'll do every weekend and we never have yet?
So you act bitchy to me?
Yes, I cleaned my bathroom (with only being asked once, I was planning on it tomorrow.)
Yes, I feed MY cats that I've been feeding forever on my won,
And your dogs, so they will eat this weekend,
Changed the cat box like I do every other day.
If I was her, you'd not have thought twice.
"Oh, ok, I thought you'd help me today."
Said in a huge contrast to how you talk to me,
The one that helps you.
The one that's always there.
The one that likes you.
Whatever.

34.Write about a recent adventure or travels.

Hmmm,
I need more adventure or travel,
The last was my move from Virginia to Illinois.
I was on xanex the whole ride.
Or crying.
Randy and my mom where there.
I don't have much else to say about it, other than I love them both form coming to get me.

Green lipstick.

I heard your voice today.
I was alone in the store.
It felt like you were behind me.
So much so that I turned expecting to see your face.
Something I haven't seen in years.
Maybe again one day.

33.Describe the longest amount of time you have ever been away from home.

"If home is where your heart is, your real home is in your chest."

I don't know the answer to this.
Home is a place you are happiest.
Comfortable.
Feel loved.
The one time I've felt "at home" is over.
I didn't grow up in just one house.
We moved, stayed in the same area but moved.
I like moving.
It just makes it hard to hae a home feeling.
I've never felt like Illinois is my home.
Maybe I've just never found "home" yet.

32.Are you afraid of the dark? Why or why not?

I am.
To an extend I guess.
If I'm not alone, it can be dark.
If I love and trust you I prefer it to be pitch black but light doesn't bother me.
If I am alone, so different.
I have to be able to see every inch of the room.
I've slept with my overhead light on on more than one occasion.
I have a night light.
I sleep with me TV on.
I am terrified of the dark.
M sister has been sleeping in the next room lately, so I've been falling asleep to a movie and the TV turns off.
Not sure why it turns itself off but every TV has turned itself off if I fall asleep.
Anyway, her being close has helped me get used to being kind of alone with lights off.
I was afraid of the dark when I was little but grew out of it for so long.
It came back the night Jeni and I went to see the Blair Witch project.
Yep, I was that chick, the one that saw Blair Witch as soon as I could.
And it scared me.
Bad.
It was cheesy as everyone says, I know that.
It was an awful movie, I know that too,
They were bad actors, yes.
(I get all of this when I saw it scared me to anyone.)
If you watch it through the eyes of an actual person going through it as if it were a true story, it's scary.
Imagine yourself as one of the people in that tent, really hearing all of the noises.
Go into that house at the end and not be able to find your friend, knowing the stories of the area.
This is how I watch all movies,
This is why scary movies, haunt me.
I live them, as I watch them.
It's more fun than being cynical about everything.
Tearing it apart, hating most things you see.
Movies can take you back to a time when you had no fear, everything was fun and you used your imagination.
If you can't imagine along with a movie, what is the point of watching it.
Where is the fun?
Yeah I'm scared of the dark maybe one day I won't be.

Except my eyes are green.

This song has always reminded me of how I feel.
I don't remember not being depressed.
I don't remember ever showing it.

31.Quote the nicest thing anyone has ever said about you.

I skipped yesterday.


I can't. I know people say nice things about me, they've told me nice things.
I hear it for the moment.
But it drifts away.
I remember the bad things people say.
I always remember the negative and take it to heart before any positive.
With as much of a "positive person" I come off as, I'm not.
She told me once I was the most depressed person she'd ever met.
I didn't know what to do with that.
I still don't really.
I know it's true.
I'm just s good at presenting myself as ok, happy, adjusted.
To actually know how I feel hurts me so much.
How could I ever share that pain with someone else?
I wish I knew why I was so depressed all the time.
I wish I could change it.
Fix it.
Fix me for good.

29.Describe your first job.

I worked at the gift shop in the hospital.
It was the most unbusy place I've ever worked.
There was always two of us there.
We mainly sat around and read the recent magazines.
The hours were only 4-7 three days a week.
It was amazingly boring.
But the best first job ever at the same time.
I worked there for 6 months.
Then quit to start Merichkas.

Post Secret.

This reply to a secret made me smile.


"I have an album of pictures of my feet, each one in each country I've been. I'm glad to find that somewhere in the globe, someone thinks the exact way I do. Without even knowing who that person is, I feel a connection to them that reminds me that none of us could ever truly be alone in the universe. Thank you for that, whoever you are, and who knows? Maybe one day our feet will be on the same picture."

28.What is the most annoying sound you have ever heard?

Hmmm,
Is it bad that a certain persons voice is the first thing that came to mind?
Maybe that's just pure hatred.
Other than that I don't really know.
A lot of people thing nails on a chalkboard is bad.
That's never bothered me to bad.
So yeah I'll go with that answer.

27.What’s on your calendar for tomorrow?

Tomorrow is a busy day.
Amy's baby shower for Claire Marie at 11am.
Brigitte's baby shower (don't know the name yet) at 2pm.
Then I think I'm going to hang out with Rachael for a bit.
Bug her about making my cd lol.

26.Name something you found; what was it and where did you find it?

An ornament.
It was last week I believe.
I was helping Rachael take out the garbage and in the middle of the road it was just sitting there.
It seemed right.
The wording.
So I picked it up (cleaned it good) and took it home.
It now sits on my bookshelf.

25.Describe a time you felt alone.

The most recent.
Probably the six months leading up to me leaving Virginia.
I stopped talking to everyone because all I was doing was crying.
I only talked to Nik really and not all the time even.
I felt so very alone, even knowing if I picked up my phone I wouldn't be.
I was unhappy all the time and didn't want to bring anyone with me.
Wasn't even sure what to tell anyone because I didn't know why I was so sad.

24.Write about the last time you spoke to your best friend. What did you talk about?

We last talked two days ago.
She was in the car driving back from NC with the family.
We talked about the normal for us.
What we were doing.
The long drive for the girls.
How I've been feeling.
We talk about pretty much everything.
She always makes me feel better if I feel crappy.